Monday, October 25, 2010

Never-ending Story Blogfest

Sorry I'm late to the party. Here is my entry for Sandra Drake's Never-Ending Scene Blogfest. 
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It's fine if the judges decide I'm too late for the contest. I mainly entered to share my WIP and read others' stuff. 
This is from the middle of the work, so the average reader would know way more than you will going in...but I'm going to resist explaining and see if the scene can stand on its own.


I needed to see where the stone got the warmest. At the next stop light it did. Only I didn’t realize it until the bus moved again and the stone got cooler.
I fairly leaped for the stop button. We went another one, two, three blocks to the next stop. Not a bad walk. It could have been worse, I told myself. Only, as I tripped on the last step on the way off the bus, I thought even three blocks would challenge these wobbly legs.
For the moment, nerves and excitement about meeting another Dalarian here on Earth had replaced worry for Aidene.
The stone got warmer as I crossed the street at the light then cooler again after the first house. A corner house on a bus line. Must be a mentor, looking to be found.
Only, when the heavy front door swung open an old lady, shaped like a question mark, peered out. A mentor? We’d started coming here over a hundred years ago, so it was possible.
Her crumpled state reminded me of the tail end of this mission I’d signed up for. Not only a shortened life—barring freak accidents, all Dalarians made it to one hundred and more—but an uncomfortable end without our advanced medical technology.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked. Still plenty of life in her eyes.
“I’m not sure,” I answered then waited for the code phrase.
Instead, the lady’s eyes went weary, and she peered into the dark behind me.
“I’m sorry. I must have the wrong house.” I felt the rock. Hotter than I’d ever felt it. This couldn’t be the wrong house.
She swung the door shut.
“Does anyone else live here?” I asked.
The deadbolt slammed home.
“Please,” I yelled.
“Upstairs,” she yelled back.
Upstairs? In her house?  What could that mean? Then I remembered Dale’s family rented the downstairs of his home while someone else lived upstairs.
Sure enough, on the left side I could just make out some white stairs. I felt my way up, hoping for a motion light. But that wouldn’t do for those of us trying to hide out.
Almost to the top, I remembered my rock could be used as a flashlight. Or for night-vision if held to my eye. A noise amplifier if held to my ear. And lots of other things even Dale might consider it worth getting excited about if he knew, but I figured I’d never need any of it. I’d come here to be open and helpful, not skulk around.
And yet, here I skulked.
I felt around for a doorbell. Finding none, I opened the screen and knocked on the narrow door.
“Coming,” someone yelled from inside, and I heard something else. Electronic firing, like from those video games at the community center.
I felt the rock again. Near scalding. But I must have the wrong house. I turned to go, making it to the first step before the door swung open and faint blue light spilled out and hit me.
“Wait,” a male voice said. A young voice. Not a mentor voice.

21 comments:

  1. I wanna turn the page, but it's not there! Waaah! Lol.

    This is really interesting. I'd love to read on and find out more about what's going on. Thanks for sharing! :)

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  2. That's so good! I hope you weren't too late!

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  3. Definitely intrigued! Hope you made it in time! christy

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  4. You left me wanting more, nice cliff hanger.

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  5. A young voice, very intriguing.

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  6. I liked the "shaped like a question mark" description. I wish I knew what was going to happen:)

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  7. Interesting world you've built here! I'm curious about it, and want to know who's at the door! Nice job.

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  8. I'm definitely interested in reading more. The rock is an interesting piece that I'd like to know more about and then there are the characters. Good work on this entry, late and all.

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  9. Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*

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  10. Intriguing. I think it stood fine on its own.

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  11. Hi Jennifer, I really enjoyed reading this, and it stood well on its own too. Thanks for sharing.

    Rach

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  12. Hi,

    Slick writing style here, and element of intrigue re stone! Just the sort of writing to keep teens reading on and that's the main goal.

    best
    F

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  13. Just popped back to follow/lurk!

    Just a suggestion - pop your follow linky near to top of side column. People will follow but some won't go look for the link.
    best
    F

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  14. Better late than never! I for one am glad you posted! Very interesting premise. An extraterrestrial (or otherworlder?) with some sort of scrying stone.

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  15. Thanks everyone for reading!

    Francine-thanks for the follower suggestion...if only I knew how to do such things...will mess around with my template and see.

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  16. Hmmm...this was interesting. The rock, the old lady, and the young man. Very intriguing! Great post.
    Edge of Your Seat Romance

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  17. First of all, thanks for the kind comment on my post! It was a bummer I wasn't in the top ten, but I still like what I posted!

    Now to yours, I really enjoyed the way you told the story through the scene! Lots of action and things for me to picture, and of course and ending that left me wanting more!

    Not to mention, I think we have sort of the same style of writing which makes me happy to read. :)

    If you ever want a critique partner (I lost mine because we both needed someone more in our genre) hit me up! Even if it's just for a few chapters it's always nice to have an extra pair of eyes looking.

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  18. Yes, Bree! I'm up for an extra pair of eyes too! I'll send you a message, as my Google one is not my main email, so I rarely check it.

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  19. Oops, Bree. Looks like that won't work. I'll leave you my email on your site.

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  20. I really like your voice! And the image that popped into my head with 'shaped like a question mark' was too funny. Really liked this! :)

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