This was an interesting exercise, reading the 99th page of all of my stories. I wonder if this test has something to do with plot structure, if it's about a possible sagging middle or if it tests the number of pleasurable hits (word play, banter, etc.) a writer makes per page.
Anyway, I picked the one from my novel, SOCIAL DISORDER, because it seemed to stand best on it's own.
I stopped at the restroom on the way, taking off my shoes to enjoy the cool floor on my feet. A quick evaluation in the mirror said that my wrap-around red dress would still look fine for the picture. The rest of me, on the other hand. I looked flushed and mussed, but happy. Very happy.
Back outside the restroom, I leaned my wrist on Nick’s shoulder while I slipped one shoe back on, but then he grabbed the other shoe out of my hand and backed away from me.
“Nick.” I hobbled toward him. “You’re not looking very hot to me right now.”
He held the shoe up so I had to jump to try and reach it. I landed against him. “You, meanwhile, have never looked hotter.” He swung me around, ending with a crash-down kiss.
“There you are.” A familiar shrill voice cut through the hallway.
Nick and I turned our heads to see Clarissa and Mitch standing at the corner by the bathrooms.
We all stared at each other for a freeze-frame moment.
Mitch recovered first. “I was heading to the bathroom,” he said to Clarissa.
“Good,” she said, her voice, as usual, aimed straight at me. “I need to go too.” She put her hand through Mitch’s arm and walked, dignified, to the ladies’ room, but the clacking of her strappy heels ruined the effect. Mitch took the last few steps into the men’s room without looking back.
Then I could breath again.
Nick still held me. “Is Mitch the reason Clarissa has it out for you?” he whispered.
“Allison thinks so.” He handed me my other shoe, and I leaned on him to put it on. Then we headed toward the pictures in our own version of a dignified manner.
What do you think? Do you want to keep reading?
Come join the fun (Alicia's link above includes the sign up list). And check out page99test.com. They're doing this same thing there on a regular basis.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteNice happy banter and to be honest, I'd read on but I'm more interested in what went on beforehand: what is about Clarissa that stings the MC?
best
F
Ooohh I love me a good love triangle. you hooked me with the great scene and I really really want to read more. Awesome work. Thanks for joining in the fun!
ReplyDeleteFrancine- You're right, the story wouldn't work read from here. I should have asked if it made you want to read the story, from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteThis definitely makes me want to know more. I'd be flipping to page 1 so I could read the whole thing. ;)
ReplyDeleteOooh, drama! I like the image of them fighting over the shoe, and love the phrase "crash-down kiss"
ReplyDeleteAnd the last line on the page made me smile
I'd flip back before I'd flip forward on this one. Of course, I'm thinking Nick and her got caught doing something they shouldn't. Am I right????
ReplyDeleteAlicia- I wondered if "flushed and mussed" might read less innocent out of context...they've been dancing, and her ex (Mitch) just caught them goofing around and kissing.
ReplyDeleteI'll read forward whenever there is conflict, esp. a romantic one. Great job, Jennifer. I'm going back to check all my page 99s! :)
ReplyDeleteA nice bit of tension. I like your writing style. Good description and imagery.
ReplyDeleteI'd read more.
Michael
I liked this page and believe I would turn to the next. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. Yes, we need to go back to the beginning on this one.
ReplyDeleteVery well-written. You definitely have a strong command of language, which I thought was the case after feedback you've sent me. There is so much going on here-- some really complex social interactions. I'm dying to know the story behind them!
ReplyDeleteI found all four characters intriguing from this excerpt. I'm left wondering what their history is, what sorted experiences have left them all in such guarded and passively aggressive composures. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks for signing up for the BPBlogfest! I look forward to your answers and getting to know you better!
The chemistry between the first two characters is tangible, I loved it.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. Like many of the others, I want to see the lead-up tension. Watch breath and breathe, but overall, I'd read on. :)
ReplyDeleteMarie, http://marierearden.blogspot.com
So much story implied in this one (delightful) scene. I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteI like it, but couldn't quite figure out why she'd go to a public restroom just to take off her shoes and make sure she looked happy.
ReplyDeleteOh, wait, you probably skipped the other part of what she did in there. Never mind...
Good chemistry, I like the tone here!
erica
I like the tension established b/n these couples from this excerpt. I would keep reading, for sure :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, what's the conflict between the couples? I'd want to know that! Plus, the playful banter between the narrator and Nick was too cute. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the sound Clarissa's heels make! That sort of detail just hooks me. I am sort of intrigued by what happened before this scene. I may read backwards to find out.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely read the next page in the hope that she whips the shoe at Clarissa. ;-)
ReplyDeleteGood stuff--nice set up, very sexy, and intriguing!
Dignified indeed. Gotta love relationship drama.
ReplyDeleteI not only want to read on, but I want to know the lead-in. Great job, Roland
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOkay, trying again. The short version of what I removed was -- Yes, I would keep reading. Good job.
ReplyDelete